The last of these small (but perfectly formed) chaps is about to disappear from the Weasel shoppe and I'll be quite sad to see them go.
Ah, I remember when they were just little sketches, all small and helpless and asking for bedtime stories.
Then after much nurturing and careful, tender upbringing they blossomed and I sold 'em.
Yes, I am an art Madame. The new slave trade is run by weasels, huzzah.
I suppose I should now do their female equivalents, but for some strange reason it just doesn't seem as much fun. Can't imagine why.
But the most fun part was writing up their horrible descriptions (of which eBoo only got a milder version of...) and only applying to the male of the zodiac, of course, because I never promised to be fair. Or nice.
For example:
Aries: 'King of the World, Emperor of all he surveys, Earthly God, Paragon of all men and Supreme Stud of the Universe'.
Is the answer you'll get if you ask him what his name is.
In the same way that tanks use petrol, the Aries man runs on testosterone. Lots of it. Faced with any living being his only hesitation is: 'shag it or kill it?' - Or sometimes, the order of the two.
He's most likely to be found starting a pub fight, then leading the survivors to attack the Chippie next door.
Cancer: Wussies. Hate them or tolerate them, it's illegal to smack them - which is a shame. Luckily, God made some of them rather nice to look at, and if he's cute AND a wuss, he's probably a Cancerian .- and if he is Cancerian he probably has some awful addiction, could be smack, could be chocolate, he'll still look cute so who cares?
He'll cry at movies, have moodswings that put your period in the shade (attention-stealing bastard) and use your shampoo all the time but he'll always be pleasant to look at and never have the balls to hit you back. So go for it.
Sagittarius: 'Oh yes, I've been there too! And I've done that already, oh and I tried that - twice! And did I tell you about the time I -' This is why Sagittarian males should be seen and not heard. He's primarily a decorative object, and usually endowed like the horny old goat he's associated with, which is nice. But don't let him speak, he'll just ruin it.
Russell Grant can apply to me for a course in Weasel astrology.
